Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
