he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
