the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
