I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
