i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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