I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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