this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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