Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
