i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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