So drunk its hurt
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just high enough for therapy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
