I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
