I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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