Ambien. No doubt about it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
