if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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