Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
