Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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