If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
