I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
