she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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