If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
