I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
