Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
