Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
