Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am one with the molecules
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
