ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
