i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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