I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
