Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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