Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
