so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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