I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
