some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
