I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
