my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
