Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
