bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
