So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
