Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
