My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
