what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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