I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
