mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
