he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
