matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
