Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
