Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
