My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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