I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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