so let's talk penis.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
