that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
