Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
