Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
