hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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